Self Care Tip: Love Letter To Self
PMDD Self Care: Love Letter to Self
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Many people ask me what my tips and advice are for self-care when it comes to PMDD. I have compiled quite a list of natural remedies for treating PMDD symptoms, tools to use to treat the anxiety and depression that often comes with our cycle, and resources to use when you are in the midst of the intense storm.
All of these items on the list are significant and people will no doubt find something that helps their unique struggle. But when I look at this list there is one thing that always feels like it is missing.
Self-love.
While many of the items on the list are acts of self-love because they are acts of taking care of ourselves, there is not a directly intimate self-love task. And what I have come to learn on my own journey with PMDD is that the ultimate intervention, the thing that will inevitably provide a source of relief, is self-love.
Wrapped up in self-love, is GRACE…a deep compassion, a deep understanding, a genuine forgiveness, and a profound kindness.
For those who have not experienced PMDD, there comes a point in your cycle in which you lose yourself. Hormones ramp up and suddenly you are no longer in control of your body, your mind, and your heart. Anxiety, depression, hopelessness…your own thoughts gaslighting you into thinking you will not survive this, you are weak, you are not loved.
In these moments, it can feel pretty close to impossible to tap into self-love. Especially when you feel like the absolute worst version of yourself. It can also be incredibly difficult to hear the truth in the words of the people who love you when they try to convince you that you are more than what PMDD is telling you that you are.
So how do you access this when you are in the thick of the PMDD storm??
You rely on your truth, your own voice to guide you back to yourself.
And here’s how…
Write Yourself a
Love Letter…
There comes a point in your cycle when you return to yourself. You make it through the storm. You overcome the dark and step back into the light. And then you have a stretch of days that are filled with immense love and gratitude. I have heard others describe this as “heaven week,” a state of “euphoria,” or plainly said, “I am in love with life again!”
THIS moment is when you feel most connected to yourself and to others. When you see and feel joy so much more clearly, with a force only the darkest nights can allow. Gratitude is at its highest. THIS is your opportune moment, THIS is when you have the most strength, the most motivation, the most LOVE for yourself and others. And THIS is when you should sit down and write yourself a letter, that you can use in your darkest moments, to remind you that THIS feeling is just around the bend.
Writing from this space, from this voice, allows you to saturate yourself in love and also remind yourself of the love you have for the people in your life that stand by you through the storm.
Write About How You Feel
In this letter that your future self will read, share in descriptive detail how you are feeling. The more illustrative the better. You want your future self to be able to close their eyes and actually envision being where you are in this moment. Describe how you feel in your heart, in your body, and the thoughts that are flowing through your mind.
Write About Pride + Strength
Share how proud of yourself you are in this moment for overcoming the storm that just passed. Remind yourself of all the ways you prevailed and the strength that you have to do so. Be specific in your accounts as you may very well face the same challenges when the next cycle comes and there is no better person than YOU to remind you that you have everything you need inside already to conquer the task.
Write About the Gratitude + Love You Feel for Others
Again, there is no better voice than your own to remind you of how you truly feel about the people in your life. When in the storm of PMDD we are most susceptible to the manipulation of our hearts. During these times we are often blinded to the love we feel for our partners, friends, parents. Writing your true feelings and true gratitude will serve to counter this experience. Be as descriptive as possible, choose moments in which these people showed up for you, choose moments in which you were filled with love and appreciation for these people and write about them.
When you’re done, write other resources in the P.S. portion of the letter. List several other things you can do if the letter doesn’t work and you need more support….
Free Peer Support through IAPMD: https://iapmd.org/peer-support
Crisis Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Hotline) or;
Crisis Text Line: Text NAMI to 741-741
Other PMDD Warriors to reach out to
Therapist or MH Provider
And whatever else feels like it may help.
Keep this letter in a safe place where you can access it when the next cycle arrives.
This may not work EVERY TIME. There may be moments where you sit down to read this and give yourself one big middle finger, doubting our own account of the truth. Other times it will work to pull you out of the deep dark hole that we can often find ourselves. Other times it will serve as just enough of a reminder of the strength you have to help you persevere. And other times it will be enough of a reminder of the light at the end of what can feel like an infinite tunnel. 💗
If you find yourself needing a guide on this journey who can help you with this process and offer more ways to build confidence in what can often feel like a defeating battle, reach out, let’s chat.
Much Love,
Kimberly Ciardella, Psy.D. is a PMDD coach and consultant, a doctor of psychology, and a psychotherapist licensed in California. She specializes in working with individuals, and the people who love + support them, who are experiencing the obstacles and challenges of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). Dr. Ciardella works with determined individuals to overcome and manage many of the symptoms of PMDD, along with strengthening relationships and support systems in order to thrive and live a fulfilling life WITH PMDD. She works with couples who are facing these monthly battles together and parents who are doing whatever they can to support their daughters who live with PMDD. Click here to schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation to work with Dr. Ciardella. Follow The PMDD Coach on Facebook + Instagram.